He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
