She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
