Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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