Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
