I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
