all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
