my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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