we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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