I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
