Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
