nut hugger
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
