I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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