Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
where am i from again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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