She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
