accomplished twins. life is a go
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
