don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
