fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
