why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
