omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
