ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
