new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I need moral support for this bender
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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