You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
