My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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