More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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