Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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