I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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