so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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