I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
