Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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