there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
