Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
