Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
