Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
