The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the condom got lost in my hair
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
