Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
