I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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