she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
