Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You made out with two different species that night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
