so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
