I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
4 words: hood of his car
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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