I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
