he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
