hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
