if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This is my gift to your gina
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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