i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
