i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
