The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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