3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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