I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
