does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
