we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
