I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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