According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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