My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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