Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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