Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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