I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
