some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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