if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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