Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
