Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
