who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
