drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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